A little bit of my thoughts.....

It's funny that at the age of 25 I have days that I feel like I am 16. I often feel this way because even though I think I am a good Mom and I work really hard at being a good person, I truly lack some of life's simplest skills! I recently realized that there are two things I have perfected: laughing at myself and screwing up a perfectly good situation! Well the good news is, I really don't feel all that sorry for myself!

In light of everything that has happened in the last 3 months, life is so good. I have this great job, I work with boys who live in a group home. Somedays I realize that I am so selfish, some of these boys have no one. I feel like I'm getting practice, they constantly test me and I want to strangle them from time to time, but at the end of the day I love them. They show me every positive and negative aspect of my personality.I am in school full time and I actually feel like I will finish! I also started to not take myself so seriously! I know that I have to work on just being in the moment, it's so hard! Lane helps so much with that, she is not worried about tomorrow or even five minutes from now, she just loves life in that moment. I wonder when we lose that? She is so smart and nothing gets by her! The other day we were swimming at a friends and I forgot to bring her panties, which in a three year olds world is huge! So I quickly said (without thinking and its not true!) "Lane don't worry about it Mommy doesn't wear panties!" So that worked, we walked out of the bathroom and there were about ten people hanging out in the living room. One of them says, "Oh Lane you got dressed?!" Lane then says, "Yes I did, but I'm not wearing any panties, but it's okay neither does my Mom!" At this point what do you do?! I am not going to explain to them that I do wear panties, that could get pretty weird! So I have to watch everything I do, because she is so smart!

I have the greatest family. I am a single Mom, but the truth is I don't feel too sad about that. I have parents who don't give up on me. Sometimes I'm not sure why, but I know that I am so lucky. My Dad who isn't my biological father, is my Dad. He goes way beyond what any Step-Dad would ever do! He is my daughters Grandpa and she adores him so much. I am not sure how I got so lucky, but I thank God that my Mom met him and that he is a part of my life. I think that is just another gift God has given me. My Mom is so awesome too, I have this sign in my house that says, "It's official I've become my Mother!" When I was younger I remember telling her, "I will not be a Mom like you!" The truth is, if I have become my Mother than I am so grateful. I also have 3 sisters who are so important to me. My sister Rebecca is so genuine, she has a way of making me feel so much better when things are crazy. I think it's funny, when I was a little girl I wanted to be her. I did everything she did, I thought she was the greatest thing! I still think so, I can't wait until she is a Mom, I know she will be so incredible at it. My sister Heather is so creative and selfless. Recently I realized I have to get rid of my car because it is an SUV, she probably didn't really want my car, but because I am her sister she is buying it from me. Heidi my other sister has a little girl as well. I love that we are both Moms and we make our other sisters crazy by talking about our little ones! She is the sweetest woman and has a way of making you feel good when you are with her.

I also have some really amazing women in my life. Sara, Amanda, Jackie and Brett, I pretty much need them like I need water! They keep me sane and I would be screwed without them!

So the bottom line is I am so grateful! I heard someone say once, "I've never had it so good!" I think that is the truth. The longer I live, I finally realized that I have choices. I regret some of the ones I have made, but the good news is I will continue to have choices every day.