The Holidays!

Well it's been a while and I could be like those annoying people who you never hear from and they say, "oh I've been so busy." I always think that is crap. I am busy, I have a full time job, I go to school full time, I raise a three year old! The bottom line is, I am lazy. At least I am willing to admit it.

I just read my Mom's blog and she talked about my Aunt Sara, I miss her. She died 6 years ago from multiple sclerosis. My Aunt was one of those people who didn't say no, she helped everyone. She helped my Mom with Becca and I because she was working full time. She never forgot a birthday, in the 20 years that she was in my life, she sang happy birthday to me every year. I remember the first year I had my birthday without her, I missed it so much. I often think about what she would think of Lane, I know she would love her. I think she would laugh that Lane looks so much like me as a little girl. It's interesting the way life has worked out, God always takes care of me. Lane has her own "Aunt Sara," that is Amanda. I always think of the fact that Amanda helps me just the way my Aunt helped my Mom. Amanda reminds me of my Aunt, there is nothing that I can't ask her to help me with, whether it be with Lane or myself.

I am going to Denver to see my sister turn 30 in a week. That is such a trip! I swear that it is so hard to believe that we are adults. I remember being kids and all I wanted in life was to be Rebecca. It was funny, I did everything she did! Somewhere along the line I stopped copying her every move, I wish I hadn't life would have been a lot easier!

I am so grateful for 2007, I am also grateful it's over. I learned way to much this year and most of it was from making mistakes and trying to correct them. I am still single and I think I am learning to be ok with that. Lane is such an amazing little girl who never stops amazing me, she continues to make me smile every day. I am so lucky...

Married People...

I am not sure if it's just me but lately everyone is married! It doesn't help that the kids at work insisting on asking me all the time, "Miss Allison are you married?" I say, "No I'm not." They say, "Why not?" I feel like saying, "because I don't know where the hell to find a husband!" but their in the third grade so I usually just smile. Brett and I were talking tonight and it's really disgusting how many people are getting married. I feel like sending them a card that says, "The national divorce rate is 60%, Good Luck!" I know it's awful, I'm bitter.

I miss Lane she's been gone for a few days with her Dad and I want her to come home! It's amazing, I'm not sure what I did before I had her! I talked to her tonight and she said she wanted to talk but she was busy! I thought what could you be busy doing?! She is so cute.

The Little Mermaid....

Thanks to Amanda Lane has discovered The Little Mermaid. I have officially seen that movie at least 20 times in the last week! At first it was cute and I even liked that it kind of made me think about being a kid, I'm over it. There are however some very funny parts that Amanda and I continue to laugh at...one of them is when Ursala sings her song about "poor unfortunate souls!" The song starts,"I admit that in the past I've been a nasty, They weren't kidding when they called me...Well, a witch!" I don't know why but every time I hear that song I laugh, I guess I've felt that way from time to time! The really funny part about the whole thing is that Lane is now insisting that she does not have to wear her shirt because Ariel doesn't wear hers. It's starting to become a problem. She also wants to know why she has feet and Ariel doesn't, she wants to know if she can have the "fish parts" as she puts it. She seriously watches this movie as if it's the first time, every time!! She also insists that she is Ariel and I am the Sea Witch (when we play pretend). I told her I'm tired of being the Sea Witch and she doesn't care. The upshot is I need to buy another Disney movie before I lose my mind!

The surveys!

I went to Carefree, AZ this weekend to trade cars with my sister. Carefree had a street called Dynamite and Alex and I can't stop saying things are Dynamite! The town was cute, we went to a restaurant called the Horny Toad. It really wasn't bad except for the fact that when my Dad and sisters steaks were over cooked the manager tried to tell them that was what the chef said is medium rare and proceeded to ask them to order something else. Here is where the difference in my families personalities comes in! Now if this was me, my Mom, or Dan we would have let that guy have it I would have even thrown in some restaurant lingo from back in the day! If it was Becca, Heather, Hartley or Heidi they are polite and understanding and would give the guy the benefit of the doubt!

I love my new car it only costs $25 dollars to fill it up! I want to go to the gas station and put $5 in just because it will actually give me something! Thanks to my awesome family I am no longer plagued with the SUV!



So I got a myspace a little over a year ago and on there they have this thing called bulletins. People can post on these bulletins whatever they want and all their "friends" can see them. Every once in a great while I get sucked in to them. I did one today here it is:

1. When you want to have "you" time, what do you do?
I don't even remember what "you" time is!

2. Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
Yes

3. Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
Oh yeah!

4. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
When I was 10 and hadn't gone through puberty yet

5. Have you ever found someone of your same sex sexy?
umm I guess

6. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
I don't think so

7. What did you do at your lowest point in life?
Went to treatment (I do that really well!)

8. What brought you back from that?
I don't know I finally got some peace with that part of my life (and got a really good anti-depressant)

9. Have you ever envisioned your own wedding?
That is ridiculous, if a man spends more than one date with me I already have a location picked out!

10. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry?
This kid that is at my work talked back to me and I told him that was not okay and asked him for an apology and he started to cry (I felt awful!)

11. The last time you were kissed, where were you?
In a driveway

12. Do you have a guy in your life?
Yes

13. What part of your looks are you the most complimented on?
my hair

14. Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends?"
If you have kids together you better figure it out!

15. Would you attend each of your ex's funerals?
Yes

17. Would you be able to date someone who had a kid?
Absolutely!

18. When is the last time you were on a vacation?
This last weekend I went to Carefree, AZ!

19. Do you make your bed every day?
Ha Ha!

20. Are you too shy to tell people when you're developing feelings for them?
The word shy does not exist in my vocabulary!

21. Do you use the Internet or television more?
Internet

22. Have you ever worn black nail polish?
No

23. How much older than you is the oldest person you've kissed?
10 years

24. How much younger is the youngest?
Umm I think when I was 21 I made out with an 18 year old (I got a lot of shit for that!)

25. Which celebrity have you been compared to most?
DJ from Full House is the only celebrity I have been compared to

26. Do you have romantic feelings for anyone, and if so, do they know?
Yes and I'm pretty sure!

27. What are your plans for your future?
Finish school, raise my daughter to be a lady and hopefully convince some man to marry me!

28. Do you want to be in a relationship right now?
Yes

29. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
I just want cheaper rent!

30. Have you ever done any acting on stage?
Yes

31. Do you like being in pictures?
Sometimes when it's a good angle

32. Do you cry easily?
Yes

33. Have you ever been more attracted to a significant other's sibling than them?
No

34. What is the last fun, free activity you did?
I went swimming

35. Do you enjoy romance?
Love it.

36. Do you tend to fall for people easily?
Yes

37. Have you spent more time in your life single, or in a relationship?
In a relationship

38. What person in your family are you the most like?
My sister and my Mom

39. Are you quick to start a fight?
Unfortunately yes

40. Have you ever put anything other than cheese in your grilled cheese?
Green Chili!

42. Do your parents really know YOU?
My parents seriously know me!

43. Have you ever felt invincible?
yes

44. How many cars have you owned?
Myself? 2

45. Do you get along well with your siblings?
Yes

46. Would you rather be cheated with or on?
on, I don't need the guilt!

47. Do you feel like you've got some growing up to do?
All the time!

48. Do you like to dress up?
Not really

50. Do you own a little black dress?
Yes

So I liked that one! If you read this you should fill it out and send it to me!

I'm not sure about my genetics!

It's funny, I can complain until I am blue in the face about what is wrong with me. The even funnier part of that is that I am rarely willing to do anything about it! Lately I've been reading my Mom and my sister's blogs and to tell you the truth, if we didn't look identical I would question whether I am a part of that family! They love to exercise, what the hell?! I hate it, I hate it more than anything. If someone said to me,"you can get the same results if I just punch you in the face," I would take an ass kicking! I am not sure how I got cheated on the, "I love exercise gene" but it's crap. I did however get the "I love sugar and crap gene!" Some girl at work the other day was saying, "I don't really even like sugar, I don't eat it!" I don't like her anymore.

I really miss my friend Brett lately. I am sure she hates me, I never call her back. It's not because I don't want to talk I just get so caught up with Lane, work and school! I remember in the 9th grade I informed her that she was my best friend, she said I was too. We've been through a lot in the last 10 years. Honestly she knows me. She knows when I'm full of shit and she gets me. She also thinks I'm funny, which automatically makes her special! I love that no matter how much time passes, we just pick right back up. I know she will tell my daughter stories about our crazy days, like the time I fell backwards off a bar stool at her Grandparents cabin, trying to be cool! (and don't worry Brett I can't wait for you to have kids!)

Something that bothers me..

I realized today that I find it extremely annoying when someone says to me "You just wait until your daughter is 14!" Okay just for everyones information, I remember being 14, 15 and 16 and yes if there is karma, I'm screwed. I have an extremely smart and assertive little three year old. I am really tired of people assuming that she will be trouble, what if it means she will grow up to be a strong woman? She will probably give me grief, thats what teenagers do! I wish people understood that I feel like a failure when they say that. I decided that I will not feel that way anymore! The truth is I have always said what I thought, I am very assertive. It has worked for me and against me, but it is a part of who I am. I am excited to see what kind of woman Lane becomes, I know I will be proud, I already am. I don't know many three year olds who understand life the way she does. So the next time someone says to me, "You just wait until your daughter is 14," I will tell them, "I can't wait!" (and I will have a shit eating grin on my face!)

My Friend Uriel...

It was almost a year ago exactly I lost my friend Uriel. It's hard enough when you lose a friend, but the way Uriel died was so awful. I was at an AA meeting on a Saturday night, I got there really early with Jackie and Lisa. I saw Uriel pull up, he got out of his car and came right up to me. I gave him a hug and a kiss and he said, "You're glowing!" I laughed and he said, "No really Allison you are!" That was just like him, he was always saying the nicest things to me. Lisa left to take a friend of ours home and Uriel said, "Lisa I'll miss you" Lisa said, "I'll be right back!" Uriel said, "I know but I'll miss you." Literally minutes later he was shot multiple times by someone that he sponsored, just feet away from me.

I have to be honest, that was the worst thing I have ever seen. I don't think I will ever be the same after that night.

I guess it's been on my mind a lot lately because it will be a year on September 2. I had the greatest dream today in the middle of the day today. I was on an airplane and there was practically no one on the plane. I was by myself and I was going to a hospital. I don't know who I was there to see, but when I got there someone told me, Uriel is here. I cried immediately. I remember the person who was with me said, "Don't cry, he's fine." I wanted to see him so they took me to where he was. I couldn't go in, but I could watch through this glass window and he was fine. I didn't get to talk to him or give him a hug but I knew he was okay. I think Uriel just gave me a huge gift. My Mom pointed out, it's like he was telling me, even though I can't see him he's okay. It's been almost a year and that is the first pleasant dream I've had about him.

Thank you Uriel.

A little bit of my thoughts.....

It's funny that at the age of 25 I have days that I feel like I am 16. I often feel this way because even though I think I am a good Mom and I work really hard at being a good person, I truly lack some of life's simplest skills! I recently realized that there are two things I have perfected: laughing at myself and screwing up a perfectly good situation! Well the good news is, I really don't feel all that sorry for myself!

In light of everything that has happened in the last 3 months, life is so good. I have this great job, I work with boys who live in a group home. Somedays I realize that I am so selfish, some of these boys have no one. I feel like I'm getting practice, they constantly test me and I want to strangle them from time to time, but at the end of the day I love them. They show me every positive and negative aspect of my personality.I am in school full time and I actually feel like I will finish! I also started to not take myself so seriously! I know that I have to work on just being in the moment, it's so hard! Lane helps so much with that, she is not worried about tomorrow or even five minutes from now, she just loves life in that moment. I wonder when we lose that? She is so smart and nothing gets by her! The other day we were swimming at a friends and I forgot to bring her panties, which in a three year olds world is huge! So I quickly said (without thinking and its not true!) "Lane don't worry about it Mommy doesn't wear panties!" So that worked, we walked out of the bathroom and there were about ten people hanging out in the living room. One of them says, "Oh Lane you got dressed?!" Lane then says, "Yes I did, but I'm not wearing any panties, but it's okay neither does my Mom!" At this point what do you do?! I am not going to explain to them that I do wear panties, that could get pretty weird! So I have to watch everything I do, because she is so smart!

I have the greatest family. I am a single Mom, but the truth is I don't feel too sad about that. I have parents who don't give up on me. Sometimes I'm not sure why, but I know that I am so lucky. My Dad who isn't my biological father, is my Dad. He goes way beyond what any Step-Dad would ever do! He is my daughters Grandpa and she adores him so much. I am not sure how I got so lucky, but I thank God that my Mom met him and that he is a part of my life. I think that is just another gift God has given me. My Mom is so awesome too, I have this sign in my house that says, "It's official I've become my Mother!" When I was younger I remember telling her, "I will not be a Mom like you!" The truth is, if I have become my Mother than I am so grateful. I also have 3 sisters who are so important to me. My sister Rebecca is so genuine, she has a way of making me feel so much better when things are crazy. I think it's funny, when I was a little girl I wanted to be her. I did everything she did, I thought she was the greatest thing! I still think so, I can't wait until she is a Mom, I know she will be so incredible at it. My sister Heather is so creative and selfless. Recently I realized I have to get rid of my car because it is an SUV, she probably didn't really want my car, but because I am her sister she is buying it from me. Heidi my other sister has a little girl as well. I love that we are both Moms and we make our other sisters crazy by talking about our little ones! She is the sweetest woman and has a way of making you feel good when you are with her.

I also have some really amazing women in my life. Sara, Amanda, Jackie and Brett, I pretty much need them like I need water! They keep me sane and I would be screwed without them!

So the bottom line is I am so grateful! I heard someone say once, "I've never had it so good!" I think that is the truth. The longer I live, I finally realized that I have choices. I regret some of the ones I have made, but the good news is I will continue to have choices every day.